Thursday, April 15, 2010

How on Earth

So, I've worked for the State for a "while" Now, and one thing you can gather from working in a political atmosphere is that nothing is settled and regardless of who is in office things will change.
When first hired I was living down town SLC (the avenues, I LOVED IT) but decided to take the job in Provo. So, with 2 weeks to wrap up business in SLC I moved. Everything worked out, and I was so sad to see my awesome amazing apartment that I loved so much, and was really hard to come by in the SLC area. Turns out it was a good move. I made great friends, and Career wise, great move. In prior posts you will read that it was tough, and a struggle. As and Eligibility Worker my nights were filled with memorizing state policy and program guide lines. This worked out cause I was on the rebound from a horrible relationship and terribly miss my bow who I had at that point been with for over a year.
Memorizing State policy was my way out of a really bad life situation. Lets look at some highlights: My trainer who I will adore even after I die. She was an older grumpy Hispanic lady that corrected my Spanish grammar every chance she could, and told me what was wrong with my case management skills. Well, we ended up taking lunches together almost every day, doing temple work together ( she took me to the Manti temple for my first time- breath taking) and our days frequently had a therapy "session" for Cheryl and she saw allot of tears (to be fair I saw allot of her tears).
We played cards together after church on Sunday, and after 7 months of close Friend ship to her I found out she had a son my age, lets just say fireworks. I loved him. He treated me so so good. So kind, and SO handsome, Hispanic, and just cute. He was not an active member, which worked out for me at the time cause I was a fence girl. I hadn't decided what was going on in my head so I justified letting go of a temple marriage because of his Kindness and his STELLAR mom. I think I fell in love with her and he was a HUGE benefit.
He ended up being the first guy to break my heart. LIKE full on tears for a couple weeks. The hardest part was his mom usually cried with me. I didn't cry that much when I called off engagements. I think it's really hard to end things when they are so nice, and so cute and you just don't understand why. I carried on for a while, like a month of tears, but now retrospective it was a very good thing of him to do, and I know it was one of the hardest things he's had to do. (he's now getting married in the temple, active church member!!! I'd like to think I had a small part in his coming back and all the scripture studies weren't pointless)
So then. I felt like something was going to change. I had this feeling that something big was going to happen. Well, my lead worker gave me a priesthood blessing there at work in the Provo office because of my uneasy feeling. Hours later we found out there would be "changes" and I would be having to apply for my job again. What? Yes that's how the state works. I didn't re apply for my job in Eligibility. I decided I wanted to serve people and that my policy knowledge could be used for a greater good, so I looked into the position on the other side of the State Department. I applied for jobs all over the state. I received offers from every office, and every position I applied for. When I interviewed in Ogden, oddly enough I got lost down town and actually ended up walking down an ally (one of which I would never never walk down now) little did I know... Ogden felt right the second I walked in the door. I knew I was moving there, but still wanted to know what the heck was going to happen before I made any final decisions, as far as offers from managers.
The same night I interviewed in Ogden, I got a call from the manager off the office at 8 pm (well after business hours). She stated she would do anything to get me to the Office and asked me what it would take to convince me... DUH. Money. So I got a raise and started a new office, new ward, new friends, new everything. It was hard, but quickly the little miracles started to show. I was dating quite a bit at this point and after my other boy Friend didn't feel ready to settle down for anyone, but I enjoyed male companionship and the "benefits" that comes with not so serious relationships.
In Ogden I have benefited from serving the public in so many ways. I have worked as a community liaison on boards for domestic violent advocacy, I've represented the State at different Educational community meetings, and I've served the x felon community with pride. I Have learned deep and eternal lessons of the atonement, lessons that i could not have learned in any other situation. I've also served and used my Spanish language skills daily, which has blessed my life tremendously.
I have sent 2 of my dearest and best Friends on missions. My life would not be complete with out those kids, Jason and Joshua. The shining sparkle behind their Auntie's eye. I had no idea the pride and happiness that would come from those kiddos doing what I know to be true. I experienced one of the scariest things of life, Our dear Joesph and his seizure. My little heart could not take anything happening to that kid. My parents have turned in mission papers, and retired making my childhood home history. I felt so defined by Bakersfield and my roots there, saying goodbye to my childhood house was almost a crisis. Luckily I have made close and dear Friends here in Ogden, and I've walked the halls of the Ogden Temple. I think this move was a HUGE Success. HUGE.
All this being said and thrown out to the "blog" world, really I just need to process things. I'm getting another feeling in the gut. I hope my gut feelings are real feelings and not me running away from Healthy situations.
I'd like to be bored in my life by staying put for a bit, just cause I think its healthy. On the other hand allot of changes are being made. I've decided I'm ready for a "more serious" relationship (marriage- dare I say the M word) , my sisters moving across country (I want to go!), and work is completely restructuring, and I could very easily get orders to move with out notice, and who knows where they'd send me, doing who knows what.
That being sad, My life is in the hands of a Father I trust 150%, my life is evidence that clearly he knows me, and knows my heart. I am but hot metal in his hands getting worked and molded to what he wants. Lets hope I'm moldable.

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