Thursday!

Happy Weekend to all! I got so much work done and am ready to hit the ground running. I just wanted the last blog before the weekend to be a good one... optimistic... Much love

Happy Hump Day!

it's Tuesday! Which is my Hump day!!! (the week is half over!!!)
****I deleted all my blog links!!!! I don't know how I did it and I don't know how to add new links... HELP****

I'm sorry if the last entry was a bummer to everyone. I just didn't want to talk about it and wanted to refer people to the blog if they wanted the story. I have had an inner delima... I don't know if I should delete the entry or keep it up. I am debating it in my head. (?)

Plan of conflict resolution: I have decided that I am officially in "mourning" until this coming Friday. That gives me a good week and a half- I think that's appropriate. I have decided the appropriate dress is BLACK and the appropriate hair due is Pony tail. No, or very little make up. It's kinda funny but I've been a little grouchy. The best part was when some one at work asked "why all black and I looked so tired?" My co worker said "she's in mourning can't you tell?" It was pretty funny.

Joking aside, It's been hard. I don't know if I should cut him out totally or if I should leave a possibility there... but I have come to the conclusion that if he wanted a part of my heart he'd let me know, and I have to move on... TOTALLY.

Problem: I have enjoyed of time so much that getting back into my Lsat classes sounds horrid. I was so busy, it was nice to have chill time and have nothing on my mind. When I'm in class there is this little voice that says... "you should be studying" uugggg

This Past Friday I got to go to the Manti temple. Man- if you haven't been there... you need to go. It was amazing. Of course I cried through the whole thing, but it was so special. A temple worker took me and Lamar by the hand and walked us through sealing rooms... There I was standing and looking at sealing rooms with the lady who's son I've fell for... but just broke up with... It was rough. However... there is something so special about a temple with the "holy of holy's" in it. There were 2 brides and they were breath takingly beautiful. (which made me cry more)

Any how, I think it's appropriate that the weather SUCKs during Mourning week. Heavenly Father knows us that's for sure. I think I'd burst if it was all sunny and yummy.

But Good news, I'm almost done with acutane (my skin looks amazing!!!) and I'm planning to start the HCG diet next monday (keep the bad comments to your self) My teeth are super white (hollar) and I'm growing out my hair. I should pull out of mourning week with flying colors! (hopefully).

Also good news; looks like I can get the thursday off for the Family reunion. I think that thursday through sunday is just about perfect time for Cherylina to be blessed with the pressence of her familia. it was scary there for a minute.
***Thats life: as self focussed and meaningless as it is***
*****I HOPE YOUR IS BETTER!!! love to everyone****

the post no one wants to write; the post no one wants to read...

K so After reading my last post of the excitement and how happy we were... I hope you all understand my little broken heart. I truly am sad about this, but respect and honor what needed to be done.

Monday night Ruben and I were talking about different things, and one thing lead to another... happened that I live a set of standards that he doesn't believe in (he has not been active int he church for 14 yrs and is now returning; we had gone to church every Sunday together). So on Monday night I started crying and told him that if it came down to choosing between the temple and him, I would chose the temple and I will not compromise my standards. His response was that he understood and he would do what ever it took to be together and he would respect my values...

Tuesday he told me he was ill and we didn't talk much...I went to the temple, and he had work etc. Then Wednesday came around and he was usually quiet. i knew something was up at this point and I kinda knew what was coming... He texted me at about 5 asking when I got of work and said the dreaded "we need to talk."

I got home from work in a panic. Feeling so much anxiety... and just super upset. I knelt down in my room and had a very real conversation with my Father in Heaven. I told him how I was falling in love with Ruben but how I believed in the temple ordinance and needed his help. I told him that if Ruben and I weren't suppose to be together, to make it OK some how...

I got up and still felt really anxious.

I saw him walking up to my door and I popped my head out. He was clearly upset... visibly shaking and honestly looked awful. I grab his arm and asked if he wanted a hug and he said no. THE SECOND I SAW HIM ALL OF MY ANXIOUS FEELING WENT AWAY. I was completely calm. Completely.

He wanted to go talk somewhere else so we went to my car (with full intentions of going somewhere else but I didn't even start the car before His mouth started going)

He started by telling me he couldn't' go to California. That it wasn't right and he felt it would be very disrespectful of him to go. He said he doesn't know if the church is true or not but chances are that He won't ever go to the temple. He said he felt like it was better to call off the relationship now rather than get more feelings wrapped up. He said he's still going to try to get back into church and right now there is too much at risk (my eternal salvation) that would sway his decision and that he need to chose separate and alone. (all this said with tears streaming down his face)

I feel he's right. He needs to figure it out. at the moment, I was actually really nice to him and told him I understood and that if he needed anything I would always be here for him. I told him he was a jerk, but that he has to be true to his feelings...
***Today is the day after and I'm so upset. I miss him, his mom sits like 3 ft away from me. She came in and we had a good cry. My heart hurts... and I can honestly say I hurt now more that when I have called it off with any other guy... ANY other guy. (that's a big statement) I felt so safe with Ruben and respected, and we are so great together. I HAVE NEVER CRIED OVER A GUY BEFORE. and I think this is the first time a guy broke up with me.

That's the story, I don't want to talk about it, and I still have a little seed of hope in my heart. I'm grateful my prayer was answered, the worse would have been me say something hurtful and he use that against the church in the future. I felt lifted up and straightened, and I know that my Father in Heaven has me in his little hand. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have.

So I promised pictures!

This is Ruben (again)... the face shot really doesn't do him justice, but I love that you can see his little dimple on his cheek... I love that weekends are so much more fun now that he's around. This Saturday marked our One month anniversary of being together. We spent the evening at the same place where we first went out... Club Manhattan: Latin Night.

Funny part is that he doesn't speak Spanish, and does not Latin dance (it's really bad) but this last Saturday was awesome!!! We met up with his brothers and sister and some of our friends... I had 2 Red bulls... and at one point was dancing on the couch with his sister in law. I'm trying to teach him how to be Latin... which is just funny. People always go to talk to him in Spanish and I have to whisper the English in his ear.

Ruben is in 2 bands. He plays heavy metal... BUT I walked in the other day and he was going to town on the Spanish guitar. IT was awesome. He writes his own stuff for his bands. he's very talented and a sucker for 80's rock... lol... I tease him relentlessly.

***Our story. Ruben's mom is my mentor at work. She and I have formed a very close bond. We were close for about 7 months, shopping, going out to lunch, She's kinda like my mom in Utah. Well... one day I Go to her house to make Sunday dinner and play cards (shout out to rummy) and Low behold Ruben answers the door... My interest peaks (he swears he knew I was the one when He first saw me and remembers my outfit even). We ate dinner and then he had plans so he left.

I kept telling his mom I needed to go over there again and get his number (the whole time he was saying the same thing to her but She insists on not getting involved) My life was so crazy with the Law school class, and calling's, temple, work, etc. that i literally had decided I wasn't dating anyone for a long time (at least until after law school) . SOOOOO then one night I wanted to go clubbing and needed a partner (I don't dare go to a Latin dance club with out an escort) and remembered Ruben. I called his mom, she gave me his number and we went out with my "cousins." The next day was Sunday, and he came over for dinner... then the following day his mom and I were shopping in park city when he called on me for a date. I had already made plans with his mom so... he took us both out and it was all 3 of us.

ever since that day we have seen each other everyday, and he is now looking to move his records to my ward. He works for the State in the Department of Alcohol and Beverage Control.

I feel very lucky, he is so good to me. everything is just working out... sorry if for allot of you a blog is how you find out... BUT life has been busy, and I'm so happy. So happy. We are going to Vegas (shout out to Sole), and then to Cali (shout out to my peeps in Cali) on March 25th. I'm really excited and he can't contain him self...

That's the story... Love you all!

Introducing...

Ruben! This Pic isn't the all time best... it was at night, and my phone doesn't have the best of the best cameras, but at least you know he's real. He is my7"friend" (that I hold hands with and spend every second I have to spare; and even some seconds that I don't have to spare; quilty pleasure) I have spent almost every day with him since the last blog... (Our hot valentins day date). I like Him alot... and I guess it helps I'm so close to his mom... FUN!!!

So he and i will be going to California soon... we haven't pin pointed a date but with in the next couple weeks. We have a good time, and are taking things super super slow... (I have held his hand like 2 times I think...) he's a great guy and I feel lucky.

Thats it... thats all that is going on... Exciting huh?